I am totally struggling with this one. Could it be that I'm a jack of all trades, expert of none? I can't think of something I can do that most people can't. Geez, I'm pathetic. Okay, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
I can drive stick shift like nobody's business. I even took my road test on a stick. Too bad. Most of my blog readers (if anyone actually reads this blog) can do the same thing. And so can all of Germany.
I make a good chocolate cake...out of the box. Damn.
I do a mean impersonation of just about anyone. But I can't really explain how to do that in my blog.
Eff! I can't think of anything.
Okay, how about this. I will teach you how NOT to write a shitty college admissions essay.
Do NOT start off your essay by saying "I feel that I'm a good fit for RIT..." if you are applying to Brockport.
Don't put any effing smiley faces in your essay. I hate those.
Capitalize, bitches! You're not IMing me. We're not BFFs. I'm going to decide your future and I have no problem black balling you if you never capitalize I.
Your = your. You're = you are. Learn it.
Avoid being cliché when writing your college essay. Believe me, we know that going abroad changed your worldview and made you more open to diversity. We know that indigent and downtrodden people can be good and happy people and we know that you learned that lesson on a mission or service trip. We know that when an injury prevented you from participating on your sports team your senior year you learned the value of teamwork and cheerleading. If I can tell you what the rest of your essay says after reading the first paragraph, that's not a good sign.
I don't care how football changed your life. Just sayin.
If you're a white upperclass kid say from...Clarence, don't write about how you overcame disadvantages. Believe me, I know better.
I have lots more ideas, but it's 12:58pm and I should get back to work. I'll conclude with some of the worst college essay titles:
- How I learned the difference between murder and Manslaughter
- I was granted parole, now grant me admission
- Why my mom thinks I should be accepted
Toodles!
1 comment:
Oh man, all of this needed to be said. I was going to write about grammar today, but then someone called me out for not knowing the difference between extant and extent. I am my own pet peeve.
Post a Comment